I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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