i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize