Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
