butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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