eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
