Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
