I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
