i need an iv and a liver transplant
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
