I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
