I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
