For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she peed on how many people?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize