I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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