I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
