I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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