Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
