Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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