#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
