I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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