I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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