K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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