Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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