The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
