Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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