omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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