Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
