1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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