his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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