he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
