Where is the hickey?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
