Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
