Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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