to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
