so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
