how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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