sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
