Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
