There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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