I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
