Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
