im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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