Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
