she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
