Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
