How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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