Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
