Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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