I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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