WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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