We're like a lot better than the average bears
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
