Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
