Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
