You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
not ubering you a puppy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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