I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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