After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
